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D is for Desire

by LRAD

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1.
Dearest Detroit, I am deeply, deeply in love with you...
2.
my confusing conduits I just cant explain how it felt to traverse through yr bountiful veins breathing in yr history finally- for miles and miles and I was tearing the walls down and there was crashing all around and the ceilings they were bowin' down to the breaking tide inside my mind and I've heard what they've said about you but its simply not true oh its simply not you for all the burnt out beauties there are pillars and arches painted in colors of grandeur towering to take our breath away and I was licking the walls down and there was crashing all around and the ceilings they were glistening now- awash with my tears and such demanding sound as it echoed all around and my confusing conduits I must say I do admire you and my confusing conduits I must say I am inspired oh my hearts on fire it burns with a deep desire- my Detroit desire...
3.
((a sasserune of indecipherable transit to typewrit improv)) take what you will from it...
4.
it glistens in the sun a shining and shimmering burgundy hunk of metal its not even really that attractive of a car but i must say its very well kept an attraction to cars-perhaps its because i don't know how to drive but I'm not really seeing the car- I'm thinking about Detroit I run myself a shower and undress the water cascades down my back I am longing for some sort of caress and I am lathering myself with scented soap hoping that it might take away the feeling of a body wrought with the weight of such a wait such a weight for after so long a foreign place was placed a blossom my mind goes back to the car once again I'm thinking about Detroit (always Detroit) I can feel its haunt and cacophony tearing up my spine and then down I lay naked as day (I cant believe I'm saying this) with the water pouring down like rain- two times, two times i came said two times, two times i came...
5.
The heat it was risin' (heat it was risin') my blood was boilin' (blood it was boilin') the seas they are risin' (seas they are risin') and my body was yearning for it (I was yearning forth) so long in waiting-i couldnt take it just had to seize the moment just had to taste yr sound let me taste yr sound now as it goes-the night & day the next one comes the next one goes let me taste- let me taste the sweat a rollin' down yr face rollin' down yr face now as i lay me down as i lick it down let me taste yr sound let me lick it down just let me taste yr sound for the moon//the heat it is a rising and the blood it is a boiling and you know the seas are rising the world is wakin' we gotta seize the moment ((indecipherable sasserune)) (gotta seize the moment)(just had to seize the moment) so please let me taste yr sound oh let me let me lick it down the sweat that rolls down yr face and let me lick it down let me taste yr sound let me taste it- let me taste yr sound let me taste it- let me taste yr sound let me lick the sweat that rolls down yr face let me taste yr sound let me taste it- let me taste yr sound just had to taste it- just had to taste yr sound...
6.
I saw the birds heard them cawing heard them calling they were calling in the night (in the night) and the sunset was burning my eyes orange streaks of light like the fire of desire that was burning in my mind (oh it was burning in my mind oh) it was burning in my mind so I gave in I gave in to the sweetest of temptations it was driving me insane (driving me insane) it was driving me in circles all around (all around) it was driving me in circles all around (all around) all around so I gave in I gave in to the sweetest of temptations I went in I went in I went all the way down (all the way all the way all the way down) all the way down (all the way all the way down) I went all the way down (went all the way all the way down) I went all the way down (all the way all the way down) and I could see the lights ( I could see the light) they were changing they were flying by as I was writhing right in time with the syrup in my spine melting right in line with the changing tide (the changing time) an unbridled storm it was rolling it was rising within me it was driving me insane it was driving me in circles all around it was driving me insane it was driving me in circles all around (I went in I gave in I went all the way down...
7.
upon the cliff I hear it sigh and I sigh with thee a river flowing before the sunrise carrying the heaving breath of deaths industry and engines these days take minutes that pass like hours to warm as my own exhaust it sputters between my frigid fingers its 6 am and only 4 degrees and were just waiting to be able to see clearly that bad hearts they struggle to beat as sad hearts they curl closer to machine oh bad hearts they struggle to breathe as my sorrowed heart curls ever closer to machine let me pull close yr blanket of numb all around me as I disassociate and disassemble the very fibers that speak of what it means to fight or flee that speak of what it means to be awake or asleep no I don't sleep no these days I never sleep no no for I've seen the symbols and I've crawled inside the shimmering facades of false promises and false gods heaving breath through rattling lungs sucking through their teeth and speaking in tongues as the sun sets to bid adieu another dawn I see the shimmer shade and shine of a glory long past its prime I see the shimmer shade and shine of the disassembly line as bad hearts they struggle to beat and sad hearts curl closer to machine as bad hearts they struggle to breathe what you breathe into me wrapped up yr numbness so sweet can it be that I cant love people like I long for machine (no I cant love people like I long for machine) and I'm always doing this to my soul throwing myself in wholeheartedly and letting go always getting so lost in it so caught up in it whatever it is and I got caught up in yr spokes suspended in my minds eye as I drilled my pupils down through to the deep voids of yr cemented centers I picked up all the pieces and played myself a pawn through the kingdom of my own emptiness I earned each stripe one by one as you breathe through me something like exhaust my heart curls closer to the grand mechanics of bad hearts struggling to beat struggling to breathe struggling to breathe my eyes flutter my body shudders and turns the key oh please let me see these gruesome mechanisms and what they mean breathe unto me an understanding breathe unto me an understanding oh please breathe unto me an understanding of such a gruesome machine...
8.
I am staring into the depths of deaths mouth agape laying before me and I cannot escape this incessant sound it was very soon then thereafter-- the moment the motors all stopped...
9.
don't drink it down no don't you drink it down don't drink it down don't drink it now don't drink it no more don't you drink it down don't you drink it down don't you drink it no more don't you drink the water now (don't drink the water now) a stones throw says its time too much whiskey too much whiskey and wine but from frazzled nerves it pumps rust through corrodid veins all along the forgotten alleyways and thoroughfares of an infrastructure crumbling beneath the weight of mourning the weight of mourning oh... forgotten children foraging for what remains of a purity long since lost amidst the exhaust of the exalt and a poisoned prime oh... so don't drink it oh no don't drink it now oh no no no no... oh no no no no don't drink it don't drink it down don't drink the water now (don't drink the water now) don't drink the water now don't drink it now don't drink it down... don't drink it now don't drink it no more those forgotten children foraging for what remains of a purity long since lost... beneath the weight... of mourning... of mourning...
10.
and excuse me if this seems out of line but i've been dreaming of you all of the time in the twilight upon shaken scapes and bridges I see the fog in their seams as behind you glimmer through the tears I weep just for you just for you my sweet its only you only you I think of when I fall to sleep just for you I long for you my sweet its only you I think of when I crawl between the sheets oh please oh please oh please give me your haunt and cacophony oh please oh please bathe me in that chaotic sound pumping like a motor all around around let it resound now my love for you it knows no bounds (it knows no bounds) and Ive never felt like this before never felt like this before... just for you just for you my sweet in the middle of the night its for you I weep its only you its only you my sweet only you only you I think of when I fall to sleep.
11.
my confusing conduits my confusing conduits my confusing conduits I just can't explain how it felt to traverse through yr bountiful veins breathing in yr history finally for miles and miles (for miles and miles) and i was tearing the walls down and there was crashing all around and the ceilings they were bowing down bowing down to the breaking tide in side my mind (inside my mind) oh... and i've heard what they say about you what they say about you but its simply not true no its simply not you oh for all the burnt out beauties there are pillars and arches painted in colors of grandeur towering to take our breath away and i was licking the walls down and there was crashing all around and the ceilings they were glistening now they were glistening now awash with my tears and such demanding sound as it echoed all around oh it echoed all around my confusing conduits i must say i do admire you my confusing conduits i must say i am inspired my hearts on fire it burns it burns with a deep desire it burns it burns with a deep desire it burns with my Detroit desire my Detroit desire

about

This album is the follow up to my last album- Intimacy in Delay.
For after the storm and the rain... from the debris left behind...
There blossomed a long dormant desire...

This album is an extensive love letter to the entity of the city of Detroit...
I have never experienced such a profound love... and this album is only an attempt to paint with sound a portrait of such a passion.

Most of the songs on this album were created in manic spurts of improv, and because of such most of these songs cannot be replicated or even played live at this time.

This album is also about living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which manifests itself in my life as all encompassing obsessions and infatuations with concepts, places, and things, and how such infatuations and obsessions are a means by which to escape from and heal from trauma.

These obsessions are also a manifestation of my deep rooted fear of intimacy... (again, a follow up, or continuation if you will, of intimacy in delay) however, this album is meant to shed light on a type of intimacy I feel far exceeds the limits of passion in only its physicality despite the fact that these same obsessions often times lead to alienation and a similarly profound loneliness... This album is meant to shine a light on how living with OCD is both a gift and a curse.

Lastly, when I originally set out to create this piece of work it wasn't a theme I thought I would be working with, this album also represents my delving even deeper into my love of Detroit as a means to deal with the trauma of my fathers recent passing. As he grew more ill I fell deeper into my obsession through a mix of research, reading, and copious bouts of mind expansion as a means to run from the reality that death was imminent.

But enough talking about it...
It is time we simply delve unto such a souls subsequent dissassembly...

credits

released April 22, 2016

All songs written, performed and produced by A. Trautman
except Track 11 Confusing Conduits (A Detroit Desire) (Studio Version):
Guitar/Vox: A. Trautman
Bass/Drums:Sean McNeilly
Produced by Sean McNeilly at Shamrock Studios

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LRAD Detroit, Michigan

The haunts and harmonies of the souls innermost cacophony...

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